Healing From Family Scapegoating & Narcissistic Spectrum Abuse
Understand how you got hurt. Reclaim who you are. Find freedom.
Were you blamed for family problems, treated as the ‘difficult’ one, criticized or shamed, or made to feel that something was fundamentally wrong with you?
Did you grow up with a self centered, narcissistic or emotionally abusive parent or family member? Were you bullied or ostracized by your family as a group?
Perhaps you have spent years trying to understand what went wrong in your family of origin and how you got hurt, while continuing to struggle with self doubt, guilt, low self worth, difficult relationships, anxiety, grief or a painful sense that you don’t quite know who you are.
You are not alone. And the difficulties you experience today may make much more sense when viewed in the context of what you experienced growing up.
You May Have Been the Family Scapegoat
Family scapegoating can leave deep emotional injuries that don’t simply disappear when you grow up and leave home.
You may find yourself:
- Struggling with low self worth, shame or a feeling that you are somehow defective
- Hearing a harsh inner critic that repeats the negative messages you grew up with
- Doubting your perceptions, decisions and ability to trust yourself
- Feeling chronically stressed, anxious or emotionally overwhelmed
- Struggling with trust, intimacy, boundaries or communication in relationships
- Carrying grief for the family you needed but never had
- Feeling confused about your identity, direction or place in the world
- Experiencing the ongoing effects of trauma from childhood abuse, neglect or emotional invalidation
You may understand intellectually what went wrong in your family, yet still feel the effects emotionally.
This is where healing begins: by understanding what went wrong in your family of origin and how you got hurt, recognizing that their ‘story’ about you is not the truth about who you are.
You were assigned a false and harmful scapegoat role
You do not have to live in it forever
Understanding Family Scapegoating
A family scapegoat is often assigned a role within a dysfunctional family system whereby blame, shame and responsibility for family problems are repeatedly directed toward one person.
In families affected by narcissistic or other emotionally abusive dynamics, the scapegoated person may be criticized, invalidated, excluded, controlled, blamed or gossiped about, while other family members’ behavior remains protected or excused.
Over time, this can distort the way you see yourself.
You may begin to believe the negative messages you were given – or spend years trying to prove that they are wrong.
Understanding these dynamics can help you make sense of experiences that may have seemed confusing or impossible to explain.
Learn More About Family Scapegoat and Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
A Path From Scapegoating to Freedom – the 5 R Model
Recovery is not simply about understanding that your family was dysfunctional. It is about overcoming the ways those experiences continue to affect your life.
1. Recognize: Begin to understand what went wrong in your family of origin – how you got hurt.
2. Reality Test: Separate the truth about who you are from the blame, shame and negative beliefs – and programming – you may have internalized.
3. Reclaim: Restore your self worth, identity, confidence and ability to trust your own perceptions.
4. Rebuild: Develop healthier boundaries, make solid decisions about family and intimate relationships, and create more secure and satisfying relationships.
5. Reorient – Find Freedom: Move beyond organizing your life around your family’s judgment and begin living from your own values, needs and sense of self.
Explore the Scapegoat Recovery Hub
Scapegoating Can Happen Beyond the Family
Scapegoat abuse can also happen through cancel culture and through workplace bullying. I offer therapy and coaching to help people recover from these experiences, rebuild their confidence and move forward.
How I Can Help
I offer video therapy in Canada and therapeutically informed coaching globally for adults who want to heal from family scapegoating, narcissistic abuse and the lasting effects of traumatic family relationships.
Finding Freedom eBook
If you want a practical place to begin, Finding Freedom is my interactive healing journal and workbook for people recovering from relationship trauma.
It provides self guided reflection and practical tools to help you work through challenging issues such as self doubt, shame, self worth, relationship boundaries, trust and confidence, at your own pace.
Finding Freedom explores the effects of relationship trauma and provides a starting point for healing on your own time.
I Can Help You Break Free From the Harmful Effects of Family Scapegoating
Therapeutic Coaching
Therapeutically informed coaching combines psychological understanding with practical guidance and goal focused support.
It can be especially helpful when you understand what went wrong in the family dynamics that harmed you, but want help changing the patterns that continue to affect your self worth, relationships, boundaries and everyday life.
Psychotherapy
Psychotherapy can provide deeper support for complex trauma, grief, anxiety and other psychological difficulties related to childhood abuse, neglect and emotionally abusive relationships.
Why Work With Me?
I’ve specialized in family scapegoating and narcissistic abuse recovery since 2014.
As a psychotherapist, coach and author, I’ve spent years helping adults understand the effects of abusive family dynamics, and work toward lasting change.
My approach is practical, goal oriented and tailored to the individual.
I want you to understand not only why you struggle in the ways you do, but also what you can do to change what is keeping you stuck.
My goal is not simply to help you feel better for the moment. It is to help you develop a more solid, reality based sense of your self identity, strengthen your self worth and confidence, create healthier relationships, and feel more at ease and in control of your life.
You Can Begin Your Recovery Here
You don’t have to figure everything out at once.
Learn about family scapegoating and its effects through my free articles and resources.
Begin with Finding Freedom if you want a practical, affordable place to start.
Get Support through online therapy or therapeutic coaching when you are ready for more personalized help.
You Can Reclaim Your Life
Healing from family scapegoating is not about changing your family or finally getting them to understand you.
It is about changing the relationship you have with yourself, and creating greater emotional safety in relationships across the board.
You can learn to trust your own perceptions.
You can let go of shame that was never yours to carry.
You can build healthier boundaries and relationships.
And you can create a life that is no longer defined by the hurtful role your family gave you.
Need Help?
Request an Appointment
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