Your articles on Family Scapgoating really helped me realise that I wasn't at fault after being scapegoated continuously by my entire family. The role of the family scapegoat nearly ruined my life. Your articles are the best I have read yet on the subject. I will put your links in my resources section. Your articles are helping so many people.
Best Scapegoating Articles I've Ever Read
I sought counselling for complicated grief because I felt like I was drowning in anxiety and depression for 2 years after my spouse died. Now after 6 months of therapy I no longer feel incapacitated by grief because I am not depressed or anxious any more. The grief I have now from time to time can still hurt, but I also see it as positive, as it's a reflection of my ongoing love for my spouse and the life we shared. Also, I now have an increased capacity to experience a whole range of my emotions, including difficult ones, without negative judgments from within. I feel more appreciation and acceptance for who I am and more confident living my life now.
Healing From Complicated Grief
I want to thank you for your help, support and professionalism in dealing with family scapegoating, particularly dealing with estrangement from my adult children after witnessing their father abuse me.
Transcending the Pain of Inter-Generational Family Scapegoating
I owe you a debt of gratitude Glynis. I instinctively respond to people now, when confronted unexpectedly, with a response that respectfully stands up for myself. My life is now so much more satisfying and fulfilling having the sense of security knowing I have the strength and confidence in who I am to speak up for myself. What a huge difference in how people treat and relate to me now! That has been one of the biggest litmus tests of my transformation. Again Glynis I am and will always be forever grateful for you.
Transcending Low Self Worth from Childhood Abuse & Neglect
You have helped me in so many ways. Thank you so much for validating my situation, thoughts and feelings. Without that I felt like I was going crazy. You are the only therapist that I have been able to confide in that really understands the situation and what I am going through. You have helped me see things more clearly and I will continue to challenge the 'judge' and see myself in a more positive light. I can see myself heading in a more positive direction and will continue along this path.
Overcoming Anxiety & Trauma from Family Scapegoating
After completing a few months of counseling I have a greater sense of confidence, and much less anxiety. I worry a lot less about being alone, because I no longer feel alone. I have myself, and don't need to look externally to feel fulfilled as I can see the value of my character and validate myself. I'm much less critical of myself these days, and my emotions. Because of this, I trust myself more. I see now that my feelings, including anxiety, are signals of my deeper needs, not character flaws. And when I look at it that way - and take myself seriously - I can work towards getting my needs met and others treat me more respectfully. It's a great feeling to be able to appreciate myself more and feel an ease in the world I haven't experienced before.
Healing Attachment Trauma and Relationship Addiction
The hardest, but most important, parts of moving past family scapegoating were being able to stand up to the 'Judge' aka the inner scapegoat, and allowing myself to grieve. I also learned to set limits with family that I never believed were possible, or that I was 'allowed' to do. It took a lot of repetitive challenging of beliefs that were submerged in me to stop beating up on myself. Therapy enabled me to build up the ability and stamina to be able to do this. Eventually more positive, and realistic, ideas about myself began to gel. This allowed me to grieve when I realized that I was not responsible for making my parents happy in order to be a lovable person. I still miss not having the family I never got, but the blow of that is eased by how much better I feel about myself. Therapy with Glynis was instrumental in making this happen.
Thriving After Scapegoating
We can’t thank you enough for your kindness, insight, guidance and encouragement in this process of couples therapy. We both feel that things are shifting in a positive way in our relationship with each other and ourselves. We feel at this point that we both have insight into most of our problems, and you have given us the tools to tackle these issues. We feel very much more hopeful about our future together, which was certainly not the case at the outset. Many, many thanks for being there for us Glynis.
Couples Counselling Success
What a wonderful experience I had with Glynis! This therapist really knows what she is talking about, is very understanding and extremely easy to talk to, even over the phone. Glynis is obviously very qualified and is extremely helpful. Her support has meant a lot to me.
You are more open, authentic, caring, non-judgmental and original than any other counsellor I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot of counsellors
I just read your brilliant article on family scapegoating. I found this to be an insightful and concise summary, which has been very supportive and helpful.
I wanted to thank you for sharing your wisdom online, providing great support and guidance for me.
Prior to counselling, I was feeling depressed and hopeless in many areas of my life. I knew that I needed to talk to someone who would listen non-judgementally and guide me back to being healthy. I discovered that a lot of things from my past are intertwined with things in the present and that I need to stop “sweeping things under the rug” and actually deal with things in order to move forward and feel better. I rediscovered my voice and value, and counselling helped me get back into a more positive mindset about myself and life in general. Now, I feel much stronger and know that I have the power to be in control of my life.
Recovery from Low Self Worth
Glynis was a very supportive and insightful practicum supervisor. As a new counsellor it can be challenging to develop an effective therapeutic relationship, especially as the clients were older and had life experiences beyond my own. Glynis helped me to further develop my counselling skills to establish positive relationships and assist the clients with their work. I appreciated her support and constructive feedback and I still remember that feedback today!
Director, University of Toronto Career Centre
I worked with Glynis through 'No Bully For Me,' where we helped people recover from workplace bullying. She helped our clients in so many ways with her wonderful healing words, thoughtful advice and personal counselling and coaching. She has a way with words that is kind and thought provoking at the same time and truly wants to make a difference in people's lives. Glynis really fulfills her mission to help people achieve lasting personal fulfillment in their lives! I would highly recommend her to anyone looking to make positive changes in their lives.
Founder - No Bully For Me
Glynis Sherwood is an awesome therapist with loads of integrity. She is bright, caring and an expert in her fields of anxiety, relationships, addictions and grief recovery. She is highly valued by her clients.
Juliet Austin Coaching
"Glynis is warm, understanding and professional. I owe the success of projects I have undertaken with Glynis to her valuable and insightful contributions. She's awesome!"
I started counselling with Glynis at a really low point in my life, and even after a short time I am so grateful for the self-acceptance she helped me develop. Glynis encouraged me to go further in my thoughts and dig deeper through my emotions in every session, and I always felt excited by our progress. I began to feel my spirits lift even after the first session, and by the time our counseling ended I felt hopeful and motivated to move forward in my life. After working with Glynis, I am much more aware of my thoughts and how they influence how I feel about myself. More importantly, I am now able to step back and not allow the opinions of others to determine my self-worth. I have more confidence in and respect for myself because of Glynis, and I believe that this was the most important outcome of our work together. Thank you Glynis for your compassion, patience, and guidance- you have made an incredible difference in my life!
Recovery from Depression – Regaining Confidence & Self Worth
I met Glynis at a time in my life when I couldn’t find a counsellor who would take my internet porn addiction seriously. Every counsellor I saw said it was normal for a man to be doing this. What they didn’t understand is I felt ashamed, and didn’t want to be that kind of man. Glynis validated my concerns. She helped me realize that my obsession with pornography sprang from being abused as a child. Glynis helped me figure out what I really needed from sex and love, and to not settle for less. She also helped me get connected with Sex Addicts Anonymous, which has been a big support. I feel less lonely and more hopeful about my future since I’ve started to take my life back from addiction.
Recovery from Pornography Addiction
Glynis Sherwood was a big help when my marriage was ending. I was upset and angry all the time, and drinking too much. It hasn’t been easy, but thanks to addiction counselling I stopped abusing alcohol and started dealing with my feelings of grief and loss. What’s even better is my ex wife and I are still talking to each other, and cooperating more in raising our two kids.
Recovery from Alcohol Abuse, Grief, Anger & Divorce
I don’t know if I could have gotten past my grief and depression and become so hopeful for good, new things if it wasn’t for all the kind support from you. You’ve helped me get past the pain and reach more love and acceptance for myself.
Overcoming Grief & Depression
I wanted to thank you for your help! I could not possibly imagine the effect our sessions would have on my entire well being. I transformed from a very private person who lived in a tightly closed shell so no one can hurt her to a happy woman who participates in the world around her and interacts easily and happily with people. I can see improvements every day as if something big and wonderful is opening up just in front of my eyes. I lived in darkness and isolation for many years and could not even imagine that a change is possible, that something different even exists. Your guidance helped me to see things in a different light and actually go for it. I don’t need to do any effort to be different or to try harder; I simply am a different person now living in a different world. It is effortless and wonderful. And I like this person and this world very much. I cannot say enough to express my deepest appreciation for the work that you do and all the help that you gave me so generously. Thank you for the healed heart.
Healing from Trauma & Low Self Esteem
In the weeks after my husband suddenly passed away I was barely coping in so many ways. I got up every morning but I wasn’t living in any real sense of the word, I was simply existing. I pretended to live just to make life easier for my children who I knew were worried about me. I couldn’t make decisions, I couldn’t complete the simplest of tasks. I was numb and I didn’t know what I could do to start getting better. I was overwhelmed with regrets and “what ifs” about how I could have done anything to change the fact that my husband was gone. I also was sure that he would return if I just believed strongly enough, I was sure I would wake up one day and he would be back.
A friend recommended that I try grief counseling. She suggested that at worse, it couldn’t hurt, and at best, it might make me feel better. I grudgingly agreed, but I knew very well that this was not going to help. I knew in my heart that I was never going to get better and that the happy part of my life was over.
Now almost 19 months later I know that it is possible to be happy again. I know that my time with Glynis had a profound impact on my ability to cope with the overwhelming emotions that I had to confront as a result of my loss. I’ve learned that grief is not something I can avoid. I learned that I have to feel it and make room for it in my life. Grief is now as much a part of me as is my sense of humor or the love I feel for my children. It has changed how I view the world and in many ways for the better. I learned that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t control grief, but rather I had to accept it as my new companion. I learned that a very important part of healing requires that I be kind to myself. I was not very good at self-kindness when I started this journey but I learned that it was important, and also okay. I learned to check my thoughts and challenge the usefulness of any negative self-talk that might be going on in my head.
I know that I would not be in the good place that I am now had I not had the benefit of Glynis Sherwood’s supportive counseling to help see how I could make my way to a better future. Most of our sessions were carried out as phone conversations because I live almost 3000 kms from Glynis’s office location in Vancouver. I am very grateful that I had the good fortune to find her help, and to be able to access it conveniently without the expense of travel. Grief is a very difficult journey and not one that I would recommend that anyone travel alone. Grief counseling created a map that allowed me to navigate and not get lost on the very rocky road I had ahead of me and that I continue to travel.
Grief and Loss
I had some reservations when it came to seeking counselling for something like anxiety. I never would have thought that anything could help, I just thought that it was something I was going to have to live with a get used to. I spent a few months speaking to Glynis about how my anxiety was affecting my relationships with my family, my friends and my significant other. She really dug deep and helped me sort my feelings that were causing my anxiety and taught me many important techniques on how to control it. Bit by bit, things changed and I became more confident and my relationships were improving. Glynis always encouraged me, helped me with my self-confidence and really made me feel like I was talking with a friend rather than a stranger. I never felt judged or uncomfortable and actually looked forward to our sessions. What was really nice was after I completed all my sessions, Glynis sent me periodical emails to see how I was doing. This really personalized my experience and made me feel like I could always go back and talk to her if ever the need arose. Glynis made what I thought was going to be a tough and agonizing experience great and rewarding. Thank you!!!
For years I shared an office with someone who was constantly unhappy, an alcoholic, jealous; a co-worker that had no sense of boundaries, one who would openly mock everyone in really inappropriate ways suggesting mental illness, infidelity, laziness in others, etc. Things were difficult while we worked together, including exposure to these really awkward situations and general anger towards me with much abuse and harassment coming my way (finding my workstation torn apart, general attempts at shunning, talking down about me to others, etc), and it escalated after I was promoted to slanderous lies to management of how I physically abused him. This began to severely impact my life. Foremost I didn’t like who I was becoming in response to this, I felt out of control, I was angry, I didn’t know how to respond or react, and I worried that I would lose my job. It literally kept me up at night to the point where I was missing work because I hadn’t slept and ultimately drove me to seek medical/pharmaceutical assistance just to get through the night so I could return to this ugly situation where I honestly questioned what I had done to deserve this wrath. This was unacceptable to me because I didn’t understand why it was happening and I expected better of myself in how I responded. Getting some therapy played an important role in putting my life, or more importantly my priorities, back into perspective. I realized that this situation is not particularly uncommon, and in fact that it can get far worse. Through the process of talking with Glynis I was able to verbalize and realize that my own core values of hard work, and decency towards others are not always shared. I realized that these values and others are important to me and that I have to take steps to keep my life in alignment with them, including speaking up strongly when a boundary is crossed – for example stating quite clearly when I am uncomfortable about a situation that I do not want to see repeated, and taking steps to distance myself from abusive people. Realizing that people will hurt each other, without thought, respect, or provocation, or even just for fun at someone else’s expense was a real eye opener for me and I find I am now consciously reminding/warning myself of this type of behavior in people as I see it. Recognizing that I have values outside of the work place has also helped me. I realize my happiness may be more dependent on things I enjoy away from my employment (such as studies, nature, etc), and that how I define myself at work may have to change to put some of these other things more into balance – or that I may need to quit/leave work if things don’t improve (fortunately for me they have!) but that if I do it’s really not the end of the world. Talking things out with Glynis has also made me more comfortable with talking things out with my friends and family. Previously I found I was always a sounding board but very rarely had an opportunity to get into what was bothering me. Being open with those I hold closest has helped them realize that I too need some help sometimes, and they have become more receptive to listening to me and providing me with ideas and ensuring that my needs are met in a variety of areas. Ultimately I am more comfortable talking about what I need, and recognize I have to be direct. This has lead me to be generally happier over the past few months as I recognize what’s important to me (both in and outside work) and I feel relief knowing that I am taking positive action (distancing, classes to expand employability, setting boundaries, enjoying time alone, getting out into nature). I no longer feel that I should be everyone’s friend or make everyone happy and realize that those nearest me will respect my differences and needs. The change happens slowly but it’s cumulative, I strongly believe that I am taking steps in the right direction and am back in control of my life. I have the freedom to take action to bring me closer to the person I want to be, and it feels fantastic!
Developing Assertiveness & Dealing with a Workplace Bully
The last thing in the world I wanted to do was seek counseling, counseling is for ‘weaklings’ and people who need help, and no way I fitted into that category. But as my anxiety continued to grow and rule my life and my behavior, I watched and felt the negative impact it was having on my relationships on me and on my life. Then I found Glynis who gave me a safe place to be vulnerable and surprisingly being vulnerable made me feel stronger. I used to, in my social life, exhibit the emotions that I thought were expected of me and fitted the occasion, going through the motions so to speak. This was primarily in fear of being under attack or having to justify myself. I am no longer afraid to speak up and be a part of my environment, and although there are times when I hesitate, what I used to mistake for confrontation turns in to a conversation. I have also learned that I don’t always need to be the “rock” for my friends and family. In fact, those who love me like to have a turn in providing support and strength, so I have learned that some of the weight on my shoulders has been placed there by me. Glynis helped me to become aware of and acknowledge the roots of my anxiety, and to see that I don’t have to be afraid anymore. What do I have to be afraid of? “What is the worst case scenario”, is what I ask myself, and generally the answer is nothing that I can’t face and conquer. For anyone out there who is finding themselves dissolving into the couch or their surroundings, I say open your eyes, take a breath and ask yourself, is this how I want to live the rest of life? If the answer is “No”, and I hope it is, then do something about it, get some help and knock down those walls, escape from the confinement that makes you feel deceptively safe, and experience life. Be happy, that is my ultimate goal and I am getting there!
Anxious No More
Prior to counselling for anxiety and addiction, I was very broken emotionally, spiritually and mentally, and I had no language to understand what was going on with me. I suffered daily panic attacks, and a lot of grief caused by painful wounds from the past. I recall that desperate need to feel better, but I did not have the tools to do so. So when I started counselling I hoped there was a solution. I thought that I might find relief from the nightmare of feeling like and believing I was going insane.
When I first came to see Glynis Sherwood and work with her I had no real idea what to expect from a counsellor. I had never done anything like that before. I remember being full of fear, doubts and shame. However, from our first meeting, she expressed an understanding, and a gentleness that I had never felt. I learnt that in my sessions with her, no matter what I said I would still be held with support, gentle words and encouragement.
As I spoke to Glynis about myself, I slowly began to work through some of my core beliefs that caused me pain. I began to experience a new level of vulnerability. I felt Glynis always conveyed compassion, created a safe environment and ensured trust. That trust and safe space allowed for the healing process to begin. Through the counselling I did with Glynis many changes have taken place. I no longer suffer from panic attacks. I have healed many losses and wounds from my past, by allowing myself to express my feelings. I learned how to communicate better with others, making my relationships, especially my closer intimate relationship stronger.
All this nurtured the beginnings of a strong spiritual connection and an emotional health that I had never experienced before or expected from doing this counselling. This work was not always easy, but it was one of the best investments I have made for myself.
These are just some of the invaluable gifts I received from counselling. It really made me realize how instrumental Glynis has been on my journey to become whole – thank you for that.
Recovery From Anxiety, Grief & Addiction
Glynis Sherwood Video Counselling
29043 – 7001 Mumford Road
Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada B3L 4T8
Counselling Hours – 11 – 8 Tuesday through Thursday & 11 – 3 Friday Atlantic Time (Eastern time plus 1 hour)
Glynis Sherwood Video Counselling is based in Halifax Canada and offers Video Counselling World Wide for stress, anxiety; family scapegoating; relationship problems; grief and loss; low self worth; trauma and love addiction