Grief and Loss

In the weeks after my husband suddenly passed away I was barely coping in so many ways. I got up every morning but I wasn’t living in any real sense of the word, I was simply existing. I pretended to live just to make life easier for my children who I knew were worried about me. I couldn’t make decisions, I couldn’t complete the simplest of tasks. I was numb and I didn’t know what I could do to start getting better. I was overwhelmed with regrets and “what ifs” about how I could have done anything to change the fact that my husband was gone. I also was sure that he would return if I just believed strongly enough, I was sure I would wake up one day and he would be back. A friend recommended that I try grief counseling. She suggested that at worse, it couldn’t hurt, and at best, it might make me feel better. I grudgingly agreed, but I knew very well that this was not going to help. I knew in my heart that I was never going to get better and that the happy part of my life was over. Now almost 19 months later I know that it is possible to be happy again. I know that my time with Glynis had a profound impact on my ability to cope with the overwhelming emotions that I had to confront as a result of my loss. I’ve learned that grief is not something I can avoid. I learned that I have to feel it and make room for it in my life. Grief is now as much a part of me as is my sense of humor or the love I feel for my children. It has changed how I view the world and in many ways for the better. I learned that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t control grief, but rather I had to accept it as my new companion. I learned that a very important part of healing requires that I be kind to myself. I was not very good at self-kindness when I started this journey but I learned that it was important, and also okay. I learned to check my thoughts and challenge the usefulness of any negative self-talk that might be going on in my head. I know that I would not be in the good place that I am now had I not had the benefit of Glynis Sherwood’s supportive counseling to help see how I could make my way to a better future. Most of our sessions were carried out as phone conversations because I live almost 3000 kms from Glynis’s office location in Vancouver. I am very grateful that I had the good fortune to find her help, and to be able to access it conveniently without the expense of travel. Grief is a very difficult journey and not one that I would recommend that anyone travel alone. Grief counseling created a map that allowed me to navigate and not get lost on the very rocky road I had ahead of me and that I continue to travel.