- Become aware that too often you feel inadequate, flawed or defective.
- Working backwards, identify negative core beliefs about yourself that stem from feeling inadequate.
- Decide to re-examine your long held belief that ‘not measuring up’ is the truth about you.
- Look for evidence that – at least some of the time – you are at least ‘adequate’.
- Also identify exceptions to not being good enough.
- Recognize that this evidence and exceptions are also the truth.
- Decide that if there are parts of you or your life that need improvement, you will figure out ways to work on becoming a better human being, and give yourself credit for doing so.
- Develop an expanded view of the truth, and redefine your beliefs about yourself along more realistic and positive lines – your value, talent, abilities, and inherent worth as a person.
- Actively challenge negative core beliefs when they are triggered, your mood is low, or you are entertaining dark thoughts about yourself.
- Practice Steps 1 through 9 consistently, until one day you wake up and the Inner Scapegoat no longer has a grip on you.
Scapegoating in Families: Intergenerational patterns of physical and emotional abuse, Dr Vimala Pillari, Philadelphia, PA, US: Brunner/Mazel, 1991
Child Abuse: Pathological Syndrome of Family Interaction, Arthur Green, Richard Gaines and Alice Sandgrund, The American Journal of Psychiatry, 2015
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